Pills

Some are small, chewable and manageable; others are sized for a horse and hard to swallow.  Injuries are similar to pills. This season I was given a horse pill injury to swallow.  The kind that takes awhile to fully accept how traumatic it really is.  The kind that hurts so deeply it reminds you how old you are and leaves you wondering if you’ll have to live with the pain forever.  Ok, I am exaggerating just a bit.  I did not need surgery and I wasn’t immobilized with a cast or anything, however when movement, breathing, sleeping, and a beating heart hurt it sucks.

I was in a race and went to pass a rider, however the rider turned into me rather than giving trail.  I ended up off trail to avoid collision.  Once off trail my pedal hit something and I hit the ground harder than I ever have.  It was weird because it definitely was not high speed or anything.  My head hit first and fortunately my helmet did its job but sustained life ending damage.  Next up my shoulder, upper back and hip hit the ground as I tried to roll out the fall.  As I hit all my body weight compressed and I heard this horrible CRACK.  All the oxygen left my body and could not be replaced for what seemed liked forever. 

This all happened the weekend summer officially started for me.  What a disappointing welcome I initially thought.  It turns out that it wasn’t such an unwelcome entrance. Despite my pain and worry that it wouldn’t go away, I began to feel thankful things weren’t worse.  There are far worse injuries amongst our ranks that others are dealing with or have dealt with.  Yes I would miss some key races, but it gave me the freedom to relax and enjoy the beauty of my home along with the pleasant company of my family and friends without any expectations or pressures.  I swallowed the pill, let go and allowed myself to heal in more ways than I knew I needed.